don't read this. Then again, I didn't ask for it anyway.


Today was the day for the awards ceremony. Teachers from each department give out awards for achievements throughout the school year to a couple of students from each grade in their classes. Point being, I wasn't chosen for the art award. But that's not even what upsets me.

Have you ever wanted something, even for just a second and not even expecting it, then have it being taken away from you because of something you didn't even know you did? Or because it was given to a person other than you? Or have you ever heard of something that made absolutely no sense to you, yet there is nothing you can do about it because what's done is done and people wouldn't want to care to hear what you have to say?

At first when my name was not called I was thinking "Wasn't expecting it anyway" but then subconsciously I start comparing myself to the other girl who won the award. She won it two years in a row! I couldn't believe it, I kept thinking to myself, what does she have that I don't? What did I do that made me undeserving of this? Surprisingly all my friends were upset about it too saying "You deserved the award more than she did!" and "That was a load of ----!" lol. The teachers announced that the award was for PROGRESS. Well... what the heck is progress? Progress of what!?

Ugh, and people came up to me saying "I can't believe you didn't win that!" almost making me feel worse about it, because it was almost as if I should have won... Just to go up in front of the school in the big gym, accepting the award, thanking my teachers who I actually like so much. Yeah that didn't come. And it never will.

The AP kids have a little art show coming up, where we set up our artworks in displays and even sell the originals. I went there and looked at my work, and just felt like crap. I felt ashamed. Of my ART! Of the one thing that I feel is true about myself! The girl that won the award is in my class too. She's nice, don't get me wrong, but... I don't know. Comparing someone is never a nice thing to do. Especially when comparing artwork.

Well anyway, I guess this journal is useless. Except for the fact that it is here to express thoughts and feelings. Boom here they are. If you expected there to be a moral of the story or an inspirational ending, I am sorry to disappoint you.