I'M NOT DEAD! Yeah, surprising I know!

I FINALLY got a digital camera so I can take pics of drawings and such. Lots of things have changed since last year - I moved out of my moms' house, living with my boyfriend now, will probably get married soon too - got a couple of cute pets, two girl gerbils: Pan and Rosie. Rosie doesn't like people very much but Pan is the cute and curious one. Other small things like a job, my boyfriend bought a huge entertainment center, etc.

I haven't done too much artwork honestly, I haven't been too much in the mood. Oh lately, I tore up my back. The muscles in my upper back started getting tense about three days ago, then it just went downhill from there - and now it's been a road to recovery for me. Painkillers & heating pads, yep.

But I DO promise you more stuff since I finally have something to take pictures of my work so I can post it here.

Expect to see more in the future!

This journal needs a DEFINITE UPDATE!

But I don't know what to update it with! Hmm...

Well, here's what's going on so far. I'm planning a big birthday, move-out party at SIX FLAGS GREAT AMERICA in July for me and my friends! Woo that'll be fun. I'll be 18! HOLY FAT 18!!! And that following weekend will be the day I leave my home and my family for my future... wow.

Sadly, no updates on artwork yet. I've been lazy with my art, been too busy sorting through these parties and trips for my last days here under my parents' wing. Actually it's not even that because my parents are divorced and I hardly see either of them. Anyway, I'm really thankful I still have friends here, and don't worry all -

I haven't forgotten about you.

AS PROMISED! New work will be emerging this August. I'm going to search for a full / part-time job out there in Cleveland first, then of course, stay as a part time artist at home, trying to create works and perfect techniques, all that stuff. Things will be HECTIC in the next few months. But I know I have my friends and family here to support me!

BE PATIENT! Great works are well on their way.

don't read this. Then again, I didn't ask for it anyway.


Today was the day for the awards ceremony. Teachers from each department give out awards for achievements throughout the school year to a couple of students from each grade in their classes. Point being, I wasn't chosen for the art award. But that's not even what upsets me.

Have you ever wanted something, even for just a second and not even expecting it, then have it being taken away from you because of something you didn't even know you did? Or because it was given to a person other than you? Or have you ever heard of something that made absolutely no sense to you, yet there is nothing you can do about it because what's done is done and people wouldn't want to care to hear what you have to say?

At first when my name was not called I was thinking "Wasn't expecting it anyway" but then subconsciously I start comparing myself to the other girl who won the award. She won it two years in a row! I couldn't believe it, I kept thinking to myself, what does she have that I don't? What did I do that made me undeserving of this? Surprisingly all my friends were upset about it too saying "You deserved the award more than she did!" and "That was a load of ----!" lol. The teachers announced that the award was for PROGRESS. Well... what the heck is progress? Progress of what!?

Ugh, and people came up to me saying "I can't believe you didn't win that!" almost making me feel worse about it, because it was almost as if I should have won... Just to go up in front of the school in the big gym, accepting the award, thanking my teachers who I actually like so much. Yeah that didn't come. And it never will.

The AP kids have a little art show coming up, where we set up our artworks in displays and even sell the originals. I went there and looked at my work, and just felt like crap. I felt ashamed. Of my ART! Of the one thing that I feel is true about myself! The girl that won the award is in my class too. She's nice, don't get me wrong, but... I don't know. Comparing someone is never a nice thing to do. Especially when comparing artwork.

Well anyway, I guess this journal is useless. Except for the fact that it is here to express thoughts and feelings. Boom here they are. If you expected there to be a moral of the story or an inspirational ending, I am sorry to disappoint you.

Sorry guys, for not posting any recent artwork.

I've been in a rut lately, alot of crap is going on right now with school, graduation, family and stuff. I keep forgetting to pick up a camera to take pictures of my new work, but I have a couple that I want to post.

Things will get worse over the summer, I promise lol. By the beginning of August, I will have a ton of work to post because I wont have any way to submit pictures before I move into my boyfriends' house.

Be patient! I guess i'm still new here so things will be slow anyway. It's not like I have to meet the demands of my adoring fans or anything lol. So keep an eye out! You haven't heard the last, even the SECOND to last of RADEONA!

*croud cheers!*